In Which Peer Review Saves My Butt
So there's this project I've been working on for more than two years. And it consumed so much of my life that I was so extremely happy when the paper was submitted that I quoted the "Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit" address from the Aeneid . Basically, the project depressed me. By the end of it, I felt like I was merely quantifying ignorance. I felt deeply intellectually unsatisfied. So this week I received the reviews back on the paper, which can be summarized as: "We're kind of glad that you're doing this, but you really suck at doing it."
So I read the reviews in more detail and realized that they were quite right. I had interesting and original ideas, but there were a few key points I had not quite understood, which completely destroyed the paper. But in the last three days, I've managed to right much of the boat and now feel enthused and intellectual excited (if not yet satisfied). So many things I didn't understand before now make sense. The best thing about this is that if I'm right, the next few years of my career become just a little easier.
I've spent much of my life hating criticism of my academic work. So much of my sweat and soul has been poured into them that I identify deeply with the "brats of my brain" (I think that's Defoe). Criticism has become deeply emotional. As I start publishing more and more, I need to take a different approach. Criticism is sometimes unjustified (but is an opportunity to educate and clarify), but good criticism (as a colleague said recently) prevents you from making a fool of yourself in public. I can't say that the emotional turmoil of the last few days has been particularly good. I've been rather snippy for the last 48 hours, and I didn't get much sleep on Wednesday night. But I didn't need to cry and the feeling of minimal self-worth went away quickly. Most of you haven't known me since elementary school, but those who do will remember I used to deal with failure much differently. Hooray for progress!
ESA(20080215.1)
So there's this project I've been working on for more than two years. And it consumed so much of my life that I was so extremely happy when the paper was submitted that I quoted the "Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit" address from the Aeneid . Basically, the project depressed me. By the end of it, I felt like I was merely quantifying ignorance. I felt deeply intellectually unsatisfied. So this week I received the reviews back on the paper, which can be summarized as: "We're kind of glad that you're doing this, but you really suck at doing it."
So I read the reviews in more detail and realized that they were quite right. I had interesting and original ideas, but there were a few key points I had not quite understood, which completely destroyed the paper. But in the last three days, I've managed to right much of the boat and now feel enthused and intellectual excited (if not yet satisfied). So many things I didn't understand before now make sense. The best thing about this is that if I'm right, the next few years of my career become just a little easier.
I've spent much of my life hating criticism of my academic work. So much of my sweat and soul has been poured into them that I identify deeply with the "brats of my brain" (I think that's Defoe). Criticism has become deeply emotional. As I start publishing more and more, I need to take a different approach. Criticism is sometimes unjustified (but is an opportunity to educate and clarify), but good criticism (as a colleague said recently) prevents you from making a fool of yourself in public. I can't say that the emotional turmoil of the last few days has been particularly good. I've been rather snippy for the last 48 hours, and I didn't get much sleep on Wednesday night. But I didn't need to cry and the feeling of minimal self-worth went away quickly. Most of you haven't known me since elementary school, but those who do will remember I used to deal with failure much differently. Hooray for progress!
ESA(20080215.1)
4 Comments:
Is it terrible that my first thought on reading this was, "Now he'll never become The Red Pen!" (Hopefully, you'll recall from a recent conversation what I'm talking about.) I am however glad that you've managed to minimize your academic angst, even if it does ruin my hopes of your supervillainry.
Hooray for progress! I admit I still react to failure in much the same way as I did in elementary school. But it's the MA year, it's supposed to be a stressful hell.
Hurrah for progress! I really doubt that the gist of your peer review was as you describe it, but in any case, it's good to know you're about ready to put forward a good paper. Let those of us with university accounts know where and when we can find it when the time comes...
Trust me, Patrick. The reviews were that bad.
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